Go Away!!!!

I consider myself an animal-lover. I mean, I don't have any pets, and I do occasionally eat poultry and fish, but when I see an animal I treat it with respect. If it is particularly cute I may even go so far as to say "Awwww" and give it a friendly pat or rub. I have even been known to make/hang bird feeders near my house, throw goodies out for the squirrels, and even hand-feed carrots to wild deer(!). But wildlife is now cramping my style.

When my precious little squash and watermelon seedlings went missing just a couple of days after I had transplanted them into the ground, I was sad. When the pumpkins my children were working so hard to cultivate were nibbled on (under the fence!), I was upset. When my compost bin was ravaged and the remnants scattered around my yard, I was angry. But finding animal excrement on my back deck.....HORRIFIED! and, a little bit furious!

(OK, it's not quite THIS fat.....but pretty close!)

Aside from cleaning up scattered compost every morning, I am very much done with cleaning up some very disgusting bodily products (I can't even tell which end of the animal it's coming from.....ewwwww!) which are left in my path every day. To make matters worse, I have spotted the culprit on many occasions - and it is GIGANTIC! I had no idea raccoons could get this fat! Seriously! And that makes me even more mad because I know it's NOT starving - most of that fat probably came from MY compost bin! :) And it apparently lives in a tree! As fat as it is, when I come to scare it away, it jumps off my deck, runs across the backyard, and CLIMBS UP THE TREE! I mean, really! The first time it happened I could not even believe my eyes!

So, in short, I have had it. I am even entertaining thoughts of bb guns! So, my question is: how do I humanely solve this little problem of mine? Anyone?