Pinterest and Priorities

(Warning: this post is just me rambling...more of a journal entry than a blog post...and is certainly not intended to demean anyone else in any way.  Just a collection of my random thoughts looking inward at myself, not out...)

Lately....OK, maybe not lately, maybe, since I can remember, I've been feeling stretched to the limit.  I'm a 'list' type of a girl, and my To-Do list is never even CLOSE to done - in fact, I add things much faster than I'm able to check them off.  Not because I waste time - just because life is very busy.  Serving in the community, in the church (as YW President and a visiting teacher), on the PTO and trying to keep politically active, in addition to exercise, personal meditation and scripture study, a part-time job, medical education and simply keeping the children clean, clothed, fed, read to, homework done, piano lessons and practice and the house in order (loosely speaking), leaves very little time for anything else.  I can't remember the last time I read a book for leisure (aside from with the children, of course), watched television or a movie, or did anything else 'unneccessary' (unless you count pinterest or blogging.  oops).  I can't go to bed later or get up earlier without paying for it throughout the day (if I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, no one's happy!)

I grew up in a very busy home, and vowed I would raise a 'simpler' family.  So, with my children still young and things already feeling out of control, I know I need to scale back.  But I'm having a hard time knowing what to cut out.  I certainly can't cut out church.  I should probably continue feeding the children.  And I have already kept the children out of extracurricular activities such as dance/sports/etc.  So it's been a very difficult decision.  But, after a lot of thought and careful consideration, I have decided/discovered one - no, TWO things I can - and will - let go.  Namely, 1) a perfect and beautiful house and 2) my concern with how others (outside my family) view/perceive/think of me.

I don't think I'm overly concerned or preoccupied with number 2.  I don't obsess about what people think of me at all.  But I started realizing that many of the things that take SO much of my time do boil down to 'keeping up appearances'.  I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my house spotless. (I'm not saying it IS spotless - ever!  But that is my constant goal and I spend a LOT of time each day cleaning!  And a lot more of my energy worrying about the parts that aren't spotless.)

I truly believe that an orderly home is important in maintaining the Spirit, keeping the peace, etc.  But my children certainly don't care whether or not the windows are smudge-free or the walls and baseboards are freshly wiped down.  Actually - they DISlike it, because it means I'm more likely to nag them to keep their fingers off.  They don't care that I have the latest cute, homemade Valentine wreath on my door or a picture-perfect collage of photos on the wall or display on my bookshelf.  Again - they don't like it when I've recently arranged the bookshelf, because it's often less functional/harder for them to put away.  What they need and want from me far more than cute home decor or cleanliness is time.  Time SITTING with them reading, playing, talking, and listening.  Looking into their eyes while they speak, rather than nodding and saying "uh-huh" as I'm focused on scrubbing or cooking.

Lately, I've found myself discovering all sorts of incredible/clever/thrifty/neat ideas on pinterest and other blogs, and have seen pictures of so many immaculate and beautifully decorated homes, and I've been constantly adding things to my never-ending 'to-do' list, spending lots of time and energy thinking of ideas, and  even sacrificing precious time with my children to do so.  (for the few minutes that they'll allow me to sit at the computer uninterrupted...so, not too much time.)

Don't get me wrong - I LOVE a clean house, and I ADORE beautifully decorated homes!  And I want one.  Badly.  But this is where I realize that I'm starting to sacrifice what I want MOST for what I want now.  "Most" being a happy family, time with my precious children while they are young, strong relationships with them that will carry through the teenage years....etc. "Now" being a beautiful, perfect home.  And other people thinking my home is beautiful and perfect.

Soooooo, I guess what I am saying is this: If you happen to come over and see fingerprints on my windows / no pictures hung on my wall (even though I've lived in this house nearly 2 years) / spots in my microwave / toys on the floor / pictures on my refrigerator / etc.  it's because I'm too busy loving on my children to notice or care.  If it bothers you, feel free to pick up a sponge - or look the other way.  Because I know that in a few short years, my 'nest will be empty' and I'll be hanging pictures, making Valentine's wreaths and cleaning/decorating to my little heart's content.  But right now, I've got more important things to do.

Fly Lady

I have had a difficult time keeping on top of things - moving in, unpacking, fixing things with our work-in-progress of a house, in addition to the never-ending every day cleaning and meals. A friend recommended the "Fly Lady" website so I signed up for it yesterday. Today I read something I LOVED that I just had to share for you mothers out there (written by Fly Lady). It helped me see things differently and gave me a much-needed (and much-appreciated) attitude adjustment!

"Each day we continue to do the same things over again; Washing clothes, doing dishes, Folding clothes, dusting and sweeping floors. It is a never-ending procession of things that need done. When you look at these chores as work, you start to dread doing them. Change your attitude from work to blessing. When you do things for your family and to your home to help your family, you are giving them tender loving care. I like to call this blessing our home.

As you pick up a dish to wash it, be thankful that you have had food to feed your growing babies and nourish your bodies. As you fold that unending pile of laundry, your hand loves each and every member of
your family. Let go of the martyred attitude and nurture your family with love and kindness."

It's Official...

In a few short weeks, the day after The 3rd Year Med Student begins his clinical rotations, we will officially become "campus dwellers." We were able to score a cozy little six-hundred-something square foot 2 bedroom corner of cinderblock and industrial carpet square heaven, despite the 'year long' waiting list (can you believe there's a WAITING LIST??!!) At first I was excited, but as I pack and prepare to leave our current home, I am becoming increasingly sentimental. When we moved here 4 years ago it was just the two of us - married 3 years, both in graduate school, living the 'care-free' "life before parenthood". Now, here we are, 4 years later, and my, how things have changed. This home is where we watched in amazement as my belly grew and grew until I thought I would pop. This is where we set up the crib and painted the 'nursery' months before the due date. This is where, more than 3 years ago, we lay awake in bed, too excited to sleep, knowing our first child would be born the next day. This is the place to which we nervously brought home our firstborn child, sat down on the couch and said to one another, "Now what?" as the reality of the responsibility of a precious life fell upon us. This is where we proudly displayed "It's a Girl" and "It's a Boy" banners from our front door. This is the only home both of our children have ever known. Within these small walls they have learned (somewhat painfully) to sleep through the night, to talk, to use the bathroom, to eat on their own, to pray, to play. Our front patio has heard their laughter as they've learned to walk, run and ride bikes, and their cries as their little hands and knees have met with it's rough pavement. Our front yard has enjoyed their sweet little feet prancing through it's cool grass in the summer while running through the sprinkler, and tramping through inches of snow in the winter while building snowmen and snowforts. Our children know the quickest path to all the nearby parks, our favorite library (nothing beats SLC Main Library!!), our church, Smiths and Albertsons (both right down the road) and the train station (just a couple of blocks away). Over the past few years, this little 918 square foot dwelling has truly become our HOME. I just can't get over the fact that everything their little minds have grown accustomed to will be changing so drastically in just a few weeks and I can't help but wonder if we're really doing the right thing. In my mind I'd always imagined we'd be here until graduation when we bought our first home, so I feel as though I'm being torn from my warm, comfortable bed a few hours early. Will my children survive? I think so. Will I? I'm not sure. Wish me luck as I wade through sentiment and emotion to pick up and move on.

P.S. FYI When I was 12 I cried for a week when my parents sold their old car so clearly, I don't do well with letting go. :)

Oh, give me a HOME where my kiddos can roam

There are certain things about apartment dwelling that I LOVE. The fact that I only have about 900 square feet to keep clean is probably at the top. Having 4 washers and dryers to use simultaneously is certainly up there too. Of course, not having to foot the bill for any repairs is huge as well, especially for the finances of a medical student family! But, may I also share some of my not-so-favorite aspects of apartments? 1)No room 2)Noisy upstairs neighbors 3)NO room 4)No yard 5)NO ROOM!!!!! I believe I have mentioned before that messy house= unhappy mommy, but sometimes it is next to impossible not to have a messy house when there is nowhere to put things. They say the key to keeping a tidy house is "A place for everything and everything in its place"...well, what if you don't HAVE a place for everyhing? Literally?! Our apartment seemed more than sufficient when it was just Jon and I - we don't have THAT much stuff! But 2 adults + 1 growing, active boy + 1 active, growing girl = CLUTTER! Children add a whole new dimension to the accumulation of THINGS: there is the ever-changing wardrobe (I just bought Kai those pants last week, how can they already be above his ankles!?)...the ever-changing interest in toys (just lie there and look at the mobile, it's fun, I promise.)...and the ever-present need to have TWO of certain constantly fought-over toys (Kids! Share! Take turns!) Furthermore, there is the "PACKRAT" in my genes which forces me to hang onto baby clothes, toys and other necessities "in case we need them again" (which will most likely be the case in the not-too-distant (but not-too-near!) future. With nothing more than a 4'x4' room for storage, we have really had to get creative with our storage system!

So, knowing that this apartment will be our "Home" for the next 2 1/2 years and trying to make the best of it, I am now in "De-clutter" mode. Today we got rid of a queen bed, toddler bed, a computer desk, a sofa and a love-seat, not to mention bags of books, toys and clothes. When the Christmas tree finally comes down (Jon likes to leave it up till New Years, much to my chagrin!), we will have all KINDS of room, where the kids can actually run and play (and I can keep the clutter under control - at least, in theory!) I couldn't be more excited!

Any tips for LIVING IN CONFINED SPACES? I would LOVE to hear them! :)